Feeling overwhelmed? How to take the weight off your shoulders
/We have numerous roles to play and our work is only a part of it. Whether it’s mother, father, daughter, son, friend, manager, leader - we often attach expectations to these roles and can feel bad if we don’t meet them. We set ourselves high standards.
The truth is that we often think we can manage more than we actually can - or should. It feels like part of the role is to always be super busy. So, while we may feel overwhelmed, we don’t take the action we need and stress becomes the norm.
What’s more, if we keep living with overwhelm, it can be so powerful that it can impact all our roles and the people that rely on us. It can bring the whole lot crashing down.
So, this article is about recognising the signs and coping. I’ve been there myself and can share some stories and personal insight that might help - as well as some empathy.
It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed, we pack a lot into our rich but stressful lives. It’s also OK to put your hand up and say you need support.
It’s easy to fall out of balance
There were times in my former career, as Head of Marketing and Communications, that I felt stuck. No matter how hard I pushed, there was never enough time or energy. If I felt I wasn’t achieving enough at work, as soon as I walked in the door at home, the next raft of not being good enough flooded in. ‘I am not spending enough time with the kids’, ‘I am not spending enough time with my husband’...
Once we get caught in this mindset, it's easy to fall out of balance. Seeing only what we aren’t doing, losing track of our purpose and forgetting to acknowledge all the areas we are winning in (because often we are winning - we just can’t see it). Success can seem short lived.
Expecting perfection and not accepting the limitations of time - can lead us to a place of stress and overwhelm. It’s like a volcano, bubbling away, you see the steam rising from the top but you assure yourself it's under control until the lava suddenly surfaces. This can show up as anger, tearfulness, frustration or it can go the other way - despondency, fatigue, hopelessness. And it can really get in the way of what you want to do.
The obstacle of overwhelm
Last year I started working with a senior executive who wanted to develop his leadership skills and gain more influence with the Board. However, during the initial session, it became clear that the first issue we needed to explore was his feeling of overwhelm.
When discussing his goals, many obstacles, barriers, concerns and gripes surfaced. Physically this was impacting him, as he suffered from mild insomnia due to his mind going into overdrive at night. The combination of tiredness, worry and stress resulted in him not always being his best. There were times at home and work when he was short-tempered and this further compounded the feeling of failing.
It was a classic example of the impact of overwhelm. You might recognise some of these:
We don’t know where to focus
We get caught up in firefighting
We lose perspective
We pile on unnecessary pressure on ourselves
These are some of the signs that you need to step back. So, how can you do that?
Top techniques for reducing overwhelm
Through coaching, you can give yourself some time to reflect in a structured way, review your priorities and realign with your purpose so you can enjoy more balance, feel more fulfilled and progress forward rather than being stuck or firefighting.
But, if you’re not ready for coaching right now, here are some tips to deal with overwhelm when it hits.
1) Stop - and be mindful
When intense overwhelm hits, just stop. Take a few minutes at your desk and breathe. Focus on your breathing. Be mindful of the present moment. Much of our anxiety can come from playing out ‘what if’ scenarios. Take a break from the whirlwind of thoughts. Feel the air entering, and leaving your nostrils. Feel your lungs fill up with air and your tummy deflate. Breath in for 4, hold for 7, and out for 8. Try this for 4 breaths. This will calm you down, so you can be more effective.
Resources: The Insight Timer app (https://insighttimer.com) is amazing. It has lots of guided meditations, for different moods, that you can select based on how much time you have. Download it and make it your friend.
2) Diagnose where the stress is coming from
The Wheel of Life is a simple coaching tool that can help shine a light on areas outside of work that are contributing to your overwhelm and highlight where you may need to ensure a better balance. You mark the key areas of your life that are important to you such as home, work, social life, health, family, finances, education, exercise, eating and rate each out of 10.
The Wheel of Life
What’s contributing to your overwhelm?
It is called the "Wheel of Life" because each area of your life is mapped on a circle, like the spokes of a wheel. The concept was originally created by Paul J. Meyer, founder of Success Motivation® Institute, Inc.
Resources: How to use the Wheel of Life by mindtools.com
3) Consider your purpose, your why and your values
Spend some time on your own or with a coach to consider what drives you, what is your unique contribution to the world and what impact do you want to have on others. This can help you to focus on what’s important, and give you some distance from the mundane. When we live our lives in the service of our purpose and aligned with our values, we are much less likely to feel stressed, stuck and compromised.
Resources: Simon Sinek’s TED Talks and his book ‘Finding your WHY’ are powerful tools.
4) Find time to recover and reset
If your job is generally quite stressful, look at your work day and consider when you are giving yourself time to recover and reset. Being in a constant stress state can have a significant impact on your health.
What makes you feel calm? Is it talking to colleagues, or going for a walk at lunchtime?
Is there an exercise class you can go to? Can you use your commute to and from work to do something enriching for you - listening to music, an uplifting podcast, reading an inspiring book?
You may think that you don't have enough time but the truth is, the more you can lower your stress levels, the more effective you will be. And more pleasant! It feels counter-intuitive to take time out when you are short of time but try it for a week and see.
5) Break down your to-do list in 3 priorities each day
Having an overwhelming to-do list can add to the stress. We have to accept we can’t do everything and some things are more important than others. Each day prioritise your 3 must-haves. They should be tasks that are do-able and will have an impact on moving you towards your larger goals. Writing them down also makes it more likely that you’ll remember and commit to them.
Make it the first thing you do. Decide on them in the shower or when you get to your desk. This will set up your day with clarity and focus, preventing a stagnating to do list, procrastinating when your energy is lower in the day or being easily distracted by taking on the easier tasks.
This is not only good for managing workload but helps with moving into a proactive, positive mindset as you get to see progress and ensure wins every day, rather than crossing off just a couple of things on an impossibly long list.
6) Journaling
There is plenty of research showing that daily journaling can reduce stress and improve well being. You can write a couple of lines a day, jot bullet points or free draw. It can be on paper, in notes on your phone or in a blog. There is no right or wrong way but it gives you an outlet and often provides perspective.
Dr. James Pennebaker, author of Writing to Heal has seen an improved immune function in participants of writing exercises. Stress often comes from emotional blockages and overthinking hypotheticals. He explains, "When we translate an experience into language we essentially make the experience graspable." And in doing so, you free yourself from mentally being tangled in traumas.
7) Meditation as a daily practice
This one is a game changer. Regular meditation can help us to eliminate negative thoughts, worries, anxiety, all factors that can prevent us from feeling happy. It has been proved that the practice of meditation, carried out on a regular basis, will mitigate the symptoms of stress and anxiety.
Resources: Please read ‘Hurry up and meditate’ by David Michie.
8) Put things into perspective
By identifying what we can’t change and therefore not worry about is a good way to start combating overwhelm.
One of the exercises I have adapted is from Steven Covey’s Circle of Influence. In his book, ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (1989), he introduces this concept.
Covey’s Circle of Influence
Shift your mindset to a proactive state
There’s the Circle of Concern - encompassing all the things we care about; ranges from our personal concerns (health, career, relationships, etc.) to our global concerns (global warming, war, recession, etc.) The Circle of Influence includes the things we have the power to affect; this circle is smaller than the Circle of Concern.
By distinguishing between the concerns you do not have the power to change or influence vs those you do, it can shift your mindset into a proactive state. Suddenly from feeling overwhelmed, you have a clear list of concerns you can tackle. From this point, you can prioritise more effectively, and set goals.
In conclusion
I started by saying that we think we can manage more than we actually can. We have a lot going on in our lives and this can easily lead to overwhelm. The way to manage this is to recognise the signs when it hits and, in particular, understand that it’s OK to acknowledge it. Overwhelm is a stress reaction - and too much stress can be damaging to our mental health and wellbeing.
The techniques and resources I’ve shared will help you manage overwhelm. If you can incorporate even one or two into your life, you’ll find yourself more able to find that balance we need. And if you feel you need more support with overwhelm or other areas of your career, coaching can help too.
We offer a free 30 minute consultation as a start-point. It’s time that’s focused on you and what you want to achieve. To find out more about how Leadership and Executive Coaching can work for you, please get in touch.