As we get older, we may not have realised that we are still holding on to beliefs about who we are as people and as achievers that are simply not true. They may never have been true, but how we view ourselves is often what we have picked up from comments that people have made to us in our upbringing that we have believed to be true.
Parents who didn’t congratulate us when we did well at something, teachers who were so frustrated with us they threw out comments that scarred us.
Pop artist, Robbie Williams, told of a teacher who called him “thingy” and told him he wouldn’t amount to much. He remembered those comments and was so upset by them he eventually wrote a song to tell his teacher “Look at me now” like he had to prove himself. He has been no stranger to mental health issues which could well have been influenced by such comments and events.
Labelling ourselves
You often hear people make their own negative comments about themselves – “I’m clumsy” “I’m lazy” “I’m rubbish at X” “I can’t do X”… but are these things really true about us or are we repeating something we have once been told and held on to through our lives?
As easy as it is to hold on to hurtful comments or incidents from our past, ultimately, we are in control of the narrative of our own lives. We can be who we want to be, and we can believe wonderful things about ourselves.
So how do you change your “story”?
1. Think about what it is you believe negatively about yourself – maybe your parents or teachers being disappointed or labelling you or just not praising good behaviour or achievements which left you feeling less than.
2. Question that belief – is that true about you now? – do you work hard? Is your work of a high standard? Maybe you aren’t lazy at all and are juggling a full-time job, kids, and other challenges very well.
3. Finally, once you realise that these things really aren’t still true, and possibly never were, let them go. Start some self-belief where previously you had doubt. Create your own new narrative about who you are and what you are capable of.
Feminists believe that we, as women, apologise for our mistakes more than men, and are more grateful for our successes. It is thought that, as more positions of power in the workplace, in most industries and in government, are held by men, they have more of an expectation that they should be in positions of power whereas women have to work harder to get there and then may struggle with imposter syndrome that they shouldn’t be there.
Whatever your story, it is in your hands as to how your story plays out from here. You can decide who you are and how you got there. You just have to give it some thought and realise your worth.
If you’d like to discuss ways to help you refocus your self-worth and gain more self-confidence in your career, let’s talk. Fortem Coaching can help you break free of negative thoughts and beliefs. Book a free 30-minute coaching consultation so I can help you gain greater clarity for your career path ahead. Book now for a FREE 30-minute consultation.