Turning a Drama Triangle into an Empowerment Triangle
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The Drama Triangle
Have you ever found yourself in a drama triangle? Yes, this is an actual situation which does occur outside of Eastenders! A drama triangle is where, between usually 3 people, blame for a situation is just shifted around with people taking on different roles in order to gain control, with no ownership or accountability being taken when things don’t go as planned. Does this sound familiar?
The theory started in the 1960’s as an idea by Stephen Karpman*. It can refer to this dysfunctional situation in any group of people - the workplace, in families or with friends. On this occasion though, let’s relate it to the workplace.
The idea is that there are three roles played in a dysfunctional situation that are unhelpful and end up solving nothing of the problem, instead pushing blame around. The three roles are Persecutor, Victim and Rescuer.
The Persecutor tends to blame someone else for something, negating any responsibility themselves, sometimes coming across as a bully. The Victim will also blame other people or situations acting helpless and hard done by, again, negating their own responsibility in the situation. The Rescuer will try and help the situation, as they hate to stand by and witness what they see as bullying or unfairness, by making suggestions or solving the problem for the victim which, in turn, solidifies the Persecutor and Victim’s roles to them, enforcing their escape of responsibility.
The roles can switch throughout an exchange, but it makes the relationship between those people tense and defensive, and often the Rescuer ends up doing the lion’s share of the work.
Throughout my career, in the corporate world, and since in my capacity as coach, I have witnessed, been a part of and listened to situations just like this! Most of us can relate when we think back through our careers.
The Empowerment Triangle
The antidote to The Drama Triangle is the Empowerment Triangle, created by Womeldorff*.
The idea being that each player becomes more self-aware and makes a complete role change. The Victim becomes a Creator who focuses on solutions rather than problems. They learn to take responsibility and stop blaming others for their shortcomings. The rescuer takes on the role of Coach – they encourage the Creators and believe in them. They help them achieve their goals without taking the job from them and doing it for them. The Persecutor becomes Challenger. They hold everyone including themselves accountable and challenge the Creators without putting them down or criticising them. They also celebrate successes and lift people up when it is deserved. A huge step.
It is easy to see how important it is to be self-aware in the workplace in order to avoid conflict and criticism. The overall performance of people and the business will suffer if you get too much into the drama triangle.
The role of Managers and Team Leaders
Managers and team leaders need to be very aware of not acting like the persecutor. It is too easy to be a bad manager and blame and criticise your team when things aren’t going well. This can lead to a team of victims and rescuers with the victims doing very little and blaming everyone and the rescuers burning out from picking up the slack. Roles often rotate, depending on who the manager seems to be persecuting at the time. This Drama Triangle can be common in a sales environment where there is a lot of pressure on everyone. Pressure on the manager who has to be aware of how to manage that down to their employees. I hear about it all the time through friends and through my coaching role, and I experienced it first hand in my corporate career - It can be outside pressures that push us into these roles and it is sometimes difficult to see what is happening. This is where we need to step back, occasionally, and be more self-aware.
Self-Awareness
Being self-aware isn’t easy for many people so it will be hard to expect everyone to play ball and shift their roles but it does help if those of us who can make an effort to shift our own roles. Eventually it would leave the other players in the drama triangle with nowhere to go. If you take on a more supportive role in the workplace, encouraging people to do well, you will help build trust and rapport which creates a healthy work environment.
No-one wants too much drama – be it in the workplace or at home. Empowerment, however, it’s the gift that keeps on giving so take the first step, be mindful of your role, and take help if you need to.
If you’d like to discuss ways to enhance your leadership approach, or discuss team coaching, to improve working relationships, let’s talk. Fortem Coaching can help you become more self-aware, and encourage others to, which will help improve the performance of your business. Book a free 30-minute coaching consultation so I can help you gain greater clarity. Book now for a FREE 30-minute consultation.
*The Drama Triangle Explained – leadershiptribe.co.uk
*Escape The Drama Triangle - leadershiptribe.co.uk